Carefully Considered Pleasantries are Not Fake

This is going to veer from the whole news with a twist of Faith concept established on this site. I just wanted to forewarn you in case you thought you might find some quote from CNN in here. That said, something has recently been revealed to me and while it might seem insignificant to some, it is quite relevant to me.

Have you ever desired to avoid certain situations or people simply because you didn't want to be fake? Have you ever been bothered by fake people to the point you wished you could stab them in the eye with a screwdriver when their insincere smiles accosted you? I suspect we've all been bothered by such instances and people. No doubt, it is more desirable to surround oneself with those who are authentic. This is where my eyes have been opened.

I used to talk extra sweet to the lady on the other end of the microphone in the drive-thru at the bank. I asked my son, once, if it bothered him. He said it did, because it wasn't my normal voice and therefore it came across as fake to him. Like everyone else I know, being labeled fake is not at all appealing and thusly I made a point of retaining my normal voice (though I am still nice) whenever in the bank line. But, the real question for me is, when am I being fake and when am I being sincere and authentically kind?

So I ask you, does every instance of purposeful, chosen kindness, every decisive smile and carefully considered pleasantry, equate with what most deem fake? I submit to you that the answer is, no! I have come to believe that we are being taught by the world that when we choose to smile at strangers, when we purposely step out of our comfort zones to speak to cashiers cheerfully, that we're being fake and I think it is that lie that has eliminated a vast majority of Christ-like kindness from our lives.

Yesterday I went to Publix (a grocery store in Florida in case you're unfamiliar); I go there a lot. I spoke to the lady serving samples of some delicious crab appetizers, I waved at the people in the deli. Then we arrived at the bakery where I chose some bread that, unfortunately, had not been pre-sliced. Thusly, I requested, with a smile, that the woman behind the counter slice it for me. She joked with me sarcastically saying that she wouldn't. Of course, she took the bread and then walked to the slicing machine. She then asked about our Christmas. I told her it was good and returned the question. She shared that it had been a difficult one, the first one without her family. That she'd had to share it with her roommate and so she'd made a "from scratch" pumpkin cheesecake that was gluten-free due to her roommate's intolerance for gluten. She was surprised at how well it turned out.

It was a lengthy conversation I guess, since most people don't chat up grocery store employees. When the bread was sliced and repackaged, we were on our way and then there was a conversation with the lady in front of us in line. She had the bagger checking a price for her and said, "I'm holding up the line," as if she were ashamed.

I assured her that it was no big deal, "we hold up the line all the time," I told her.

She was amazed by that attitude, as was the cashier. When she left, the cashier continued chatting with us. However, the bagger had disappeared and so I told Jaidyn (my ten year old) to bag our groceries, "You should learn to do it anyway so you can get a job here," I told him. The cashier revealed to us that this would be possible once Jaidyn is fourteen years old.

Yet, as we were leaving the store I informed him that his attitude, his frowny, my-life-is-the-worst-ever countenance would never get him hired there. "Well, I don't want to be fake!" He declared and this opened up the conversation that led to the writing of this piece.

"Was I fake in there?" I asked him and he told me that I was.

"People don't go to the grocery store and talk to the workers," he informed me, "They don't make friends everywhere they go," he adamantly scolded. I took a moment to consider the condition of my heart as I'd been in the store. I do sometimes (more often now than ever before) evaluate my own motives.

"J.," I said, "I was being genuinely kind to those people. I chose to smile at them and talk to them. Jesus wasn't fake; He talked to people He didn't know all the time." I went a step further for him though, "Remember the girl in the bakery?" I prodded.

"Yeah," he responded reluctantly.

"That girl needed someone to hear her." I told him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"She needed someone to know that this Christmas was a sad one for her, that she missed her family; she needed someone to hear that." I explained.

Here's the thing I guess I'm learning. Just because I'm not always full of smiles, just because I am not always kind, considerate, caring or even willing to listen, that does not negate those instances in which I choose to be so for the sake of others. That does not make my smile, my verbiage, insincere, fake or screwdriver-stabbing worthy. Sometimes we have to step out of ourselves, our goals, our needs, our comfort, to reach out to other people. And, when we do, if our hearts are right and our motives pure in those actions, then we will be just a little bit of Jesus for those who are hurting, for the young woman who missed her family at Christmas, or the lady that needed a little bit of grace because she really wanted that $1.50 off her soda purchase but need the price verified.

Purposeful kindness, actions that are premeditated for the sole sake of being nice, are not inauthentic, they are not fake and it's time we stop believing that they are. The world is preventing us from loving each other because we can't say that we are always loving. Jesus probably wasn't always interested in healing but He chose to do so anyway because He knew He was benefiting other people. Sometimes a random smile, a kind word, can heal multitudes of wounds. Don't worry about being fake, make up your mind to be kind and let your children see you do it so they learn the dying art as well.